Job loss: Dealng with People's Inquiries

A few weeks ago Pink Slipped asked if there were some graceful ways to handle people's inquiries and compliments about a job he/she no longer has.

Pink Slipped, thanks for sharing a real issue. Sorry to hear of the job loss. Job losses are painful and most people can relate to as you put it "it feels as if someone died". Hurts more when you liked the job and everything assoicated with it - the environment, people etc. Life surprises. I have never been asked to leave a job and I wouldn't know how exactly it feels but I can empathize given that I know a number of people who have been in such situations. Life's issues are real. There are no meta phyicial solutions that fits into realism. However there are rationalizations that helps the situation a little better and attitudes that makes recovery faster all the while dealing with people who are curious and sometimes concerned to see how you navigate through.

From what Pink Slipped describes - there has been a case of downsizing known best to the people orchestrating it. Happens all the time with a higher risk in smaller companies/organisations where the option of retro-fitment is nearly impossible. No individual can counter downsizing on the basis of performance and so that is one solid rationalization - you can change only things you have control over. Secondly, our self worth does not lie in what we do for a living. Jobs only give us tiny little meanings for our existence. And if we attach our raison d'etre on jobs or wealth we lose meaning to life so quickly because these are volatile these days. Far from it, our meaning should be determined on lasting things. For me personaly, hope lies on the other side of eternity. The ups and downs do have an impact short term but cannot rock the boat long term.

The second rationale therefore is not to focus on the crests and troughs of your life's current graph but on the average line that sums up life's outcomes which in most cases are a healthy, and promising linear graph with a positive gradient in most cases. Focus on this. The sense of inner purpose and focus on the long term should help most people deal with other issues around a job loss- people, reputation and so on which are real issues. One of the hallmarks of achievers is their ability to recover, hold their head high even in the face of failure and rekindling the human spirit in themselves to learn from the experience and try again. Failures are good. Dont want to use the space to narrate stories of great men and women who failed miserably and repeatedly before they succeeded. How to deal with people? Tell the truth even when you feel awkward about it. Need short versions and long versions of the truth to use in differing situations. People have the freedom to interpret it the way they want - you cant stop that. You cant change the things you cant control. Key is to engage yourself in recovering evenwhile navigating through the impact of the downturn. Look at yourself as the CEO of your own life having a portfolio of issues to manage. Ask GM's CEO Rick Wagoner what it feels to be at the helm of bad press, and recovery. Rationalisations do help but there is a job to do on Monday morning to fix the situation and that should occupy our short term goals. In my experience, more than the anticipation of what people will say, its how we react to what they have said that will either weigh us down or raise us up. We can't control how people will react, but we have control over how we react to what people have said or our perspection of what they would be thinking.

Let me illustrate to tie and wrap this up: I have an uncle who is now a top government official. He sat his high school exams twice. One of his uncles was vociferous and critical about his nephew's ability to make it big in life. My uncle, took that as serious feedback. He not only cleared the exams on the second attempt, he was nominated for the gold medal in his Masters - the highest honor in University. He also got into the most coveted civil services position in the country through a very competitive selection process in which less than 1 in a 100,000 get selected. Let me add, his mother died the day prior to the qualifying exam. Many high achievers I know, thank their own situations in hindsight for having helped them to make definitive decisions, setting directions and being discrete about their pursuits there on. Its what we make of life's situations that make us who we are. This too shall pass and you will do well.